When the teacher is silent.

September 8, 2008 at 3:04 pm (1)

I recently heard an idea about why we sometimes feel that God isn’t speaking to us.  It was something to the affect of this:  When students are taking a test, the teacher is silent.  He can’t help his students no matter how much he may want to.  He hopes they have studied and know what they need to get them through it.  The students may raise their hands and want to ask the teacher something about the test, but the teacher cannot answer their questions.  That wouldn’t help the student.  He has to sit back and hope they do good.  

Sometimes I feel like that student.  I raise my hands again and again and ask God for help as I am walking through something hard.  Still, He is silent.  I get frustrated.  I know that He is there, but He won’t say anything.  I wish He would speak to me, but still, He is silent.  The test gets harder and I start to wave my arms around wildly, now begging for God to speak to me and give me the answers to get out of my test faster, but still, silence.

When the test is over, I am tired.  I may be worn from having to fight so hard to mentally get through my test.  Mostly, I am a little confused as to why God did not come in and help me out with my test when He so clearly could, because He knows all the answers.  

It’s then that He speaks.  He tells me that I had to take the test on my own, but that I was never alone.  He was there.  He was willing me forward, but He, like the wise and silent school teacher, knows that I will never learn what I need for the next part of my life, if I don’t go through the test on my own, being forced to recall all that He has taught me in our times together.  These times are so important.  They fuel the harder parts of life.  They are what He has provided for us so that we can know how to handle the tests when they come.  And they will come.  But we can close our eyes and lean on what He has already provided.  His Word, His amazing grace, and His love, which are with us always.  

Don’t wonder why He is not speaking to you during the test.  Remember that He already has, and that you need to take the test in order to be able to move on.  He has spoken already, and He will continue to do so.  He is always perfect  in His timing.  He won’t forget to give you what you need.  Trust Him.

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An Idle Mind…

September 8, 2008 at 2:37 pm (1)

You know the rest.  I have realized that sometimes I feel like I’m doing good, because I am getting by pretty well, but lately I think boredom and doing nothing are worse than doing something and failing.  I am too manic sometimes, REALLY up when I’m up, but REALLY down when I’m done.  I know life is about balance, and I’ve realized that having an idle mind is also an extreme.  We have to be listening to God so He can speak to us, and He will speak.  The opposite extreme would be to think that I have to be so focused on the Lord that I miss Him in the journey of life that is passing me by while I have my head in the clouds.  Balance.  It’s hard.

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The Walk…

September 3, 2008 at 1:56 am (1)

So, Joey is now 1 year, 1 week, and 1 day old.  He is walking with a walker toy, he is walking while holding onto the coffee table or any other piece of furniture, he is walking while holding our hands.  He is just not walking on his own completely yet.  It’s dumb, but you feel so much pressure as a mom, especially since he is our first, to meet these milestones at a certain time.  Other moms will tell you how quickly their child walked or did certain things, and you cringe, and want to defend this baby that you love more than anything in the earth!  Well, one day at a time, and (pardon my pun) step by step.  I know that all-too-soon he will be running away into his bright, bright future, and I will be longing again for the days when Joey was so dependent on me.  I don’t want to rush past these precious times, so I just try to remember to enjoy every moment to it’s fullest!  Joey will walk soon, and when he does, I will be happy, and yet feel a bittersweet sadness as well, realizing that it’s just one more way that my boy is growing up.  I just need to remember to enjoy the journey.

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A Love Letter for Joey

August 26, 2008 at 5:38 pm (1)

I am so emotional.  I just can’t believe that my Joey turned 1 yesterday!  It is shocking.  Yes, there have been many, many moments of life in this year, but, WOW, it has all gone by so fast!  He is absolutely so precious, and just full of life and laughter that can power up my whole day!  He is a constant reminder of God’s love, His grace, His promises, and His sense of humor!  Joey is so sweet.  He is (almost) always happy.  He lights up when he sees me or Jason.  He is beyond beautiful.  I can’t think about him without feeling so undeserving to have such a treasure entrusted to me.  There is no way I deserve him, but I am so thankful to have him.  I know that time flies, and so I want to treasure each moment and to live each day with him to the fullest.

 

I am unworthy, Lord, but still You bless me…

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Dreams Can Be Misleading

August 13, 2008 at 1:17 pm (God) (, , )

I think we all grow up with dreams.  I think we all also grow up with someone telling us that God has put a dream within us and that we must always strive to achieve His will for our lives.  I have recently been realizing, however, that I think somewhere along the line, our dreams get tangled in a web of our own personal desires for fame and selfish ambition, and suddenly, self-promotion and God’s dream for us have become one and the same in our minds.  This can’t be right.  God’s desires for us are good, yes, but He is not about our fame.  He is all about His name being glorified, and so if I take a step back and realize my dreams have become all about me getting some sort of level of recognition, I think I’ve missed the boat!  If I am doing things for any other reason beside trying to bring God glory, I’m off.  

Today, I am trying really hard to untangle my selfish flesh from out of the beautiful picture of God’s true dream for my life.  Ouch, this hurts.

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The Office vs. Arrested Development

August 7, 2008 at 8:39 pm (Entertainement) (, , , )

I’m recently discovering the brilliant, Arrested Development.  The writing?  Genius.  The acting?  Genius.  It is smart, smart, smart, and I love it!  It has made me want to draw comparisons, however, to my all-time favorite, The Office.  I don’t think it has dethroned that as my #1, although, they really are almost too different to compare.  Let’s take a poll.  What are your thoughts???

 

                              vs.                            

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A Self Problem

August 2, 2008 at 3:05 pm (God) (, , )

So many of my problems can be solved very simply – by a shift of focus off of myself.  I have a self problem.  I put myself first WAY too often.  As I was thinking about that, I thought, “Lord, help me to put others first.”  Right?  Well, sort of.  When you go to the Word, the Lord says to put Him first, then others, then yourself.  Wow, my priorities sure have been out of whack.  Care for others will flow naturally out of putting God first, because He is in the people business.  A nice added bonus is that a lot of my “problems” will go away when I realize my priorities correctly, simply because I take the focus off myself, thus removing my “magnifying glass of selfishness.”  The cure for my self problem is to put God first, let Him lead me in care for others, and then watch as my problems become less and less a priority.

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The Stevie Wonder Experience and Fresh Perspective

July 18, 2008 at 3:44 pm (Life) (, , , )

The trip to Wisconsin and the Stevie Wonder concert were just too excellent.  I was really, really apprehensive about leaving Joey for 3 days, and got super emotional as we were leaving him.  What is it about airports that always make me emotional?  The coming?  The going?  Saying good-bye to friends and family?  Anyway, I wanted to enjoy our first trip alone together since Joey’s arrival, so I decided to enjoy every moment.  

We had so much fun!  Thanks to the help of my trusty GPS navigation system (Georgina is her name), we were able to navigate around Wisconsin in our rental car and find lots of fun things to do.  We had a lovely hotel right near the airport and of course, being us, found several lovely shopping areas.  We had no plans other than the concert on Thursday night, so it was so nice to just be able to roam around a new city at our leisure and find things along the way.  The best of which wound up being a tour of the Jelly Belly factory!  Yummy!  

The concert was just beyond words.  We wound up sitting in the 6th row…yes, that’s right, the 6th row…A-MAZING!  He came out guided by his daughter and proceeded to sing hit after hit after hit after hit for two hours!  It was just unreal!  He is even more mind-blowing in concert than on anything I’ve ever heard of his that’s recorded- WOW!  His daughter Aisha Morris, who is the actual baby you hear on the “Isn’t She Lovely” opening, is now 30 years old and sings back-up for her dad.  She also got to sing a song on her own and was just amazing!  A total throw-back to a Billie Holiday-esque singer.  It was just unreal.  We all danced around like idiots, not caring because Stevie’s music is just too good to listen to from your seat.  

 

Yeah, we were that close.

Yeah, we were that close.

 

 

There’s something about getting away for a few days that just makes the world seem bigger.  When you’re home all the time, life seems to get small somehow.  As if your realm of reality is all there is.  When you get to step outside of that for a little while, you’re able to find a new perspective and somehow, things just seem better.  Your HUGE problems from home don’t seem all that bad, because you realize there is a whole big world out there.  People everywhere you go are dealing with things just like you are.  We are all on a journey, and the only way to get through is to rest in the promise of God’s Word.  This trip made me realize that I needed a re-wiring to some of my thought processes.  I’m so glad I went.  I’m so thankful for my incredible husband who made one of my dreams come true.

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wow…

June 23, 2008 at 5:01 pm (God) ()

“Maybe it’s time to stop creating God in your image and let Him create you in His.”

-Mark Batterson

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Stop defining me…

June 20, 2008 at 4:03 pm (Life) ()

Just because my past included an illness, does not mean my future does.  Just because you see my chart and there’s a big, scarlet “C” on it, don’t think you’ve got me figured out.  Stop looking at me through the eyes of my history, and start seeing me through the eyes of my Creator.  I am whole- mind, body, and soul.  No single event in my life has or will take place that my Father does not oversee.  He holds me in His hand.  He is stronger than you.  I can dream again, and you can’t stop me.

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