31 Weeks Pregnant

March 27, 2010 at 11:22 pm (Family, Life) ()

Wow, hard to believe. I usually have an inward eye roll when someone talks about how fast someone else’s pregnancy must be going. I mean, sure, it goes fast for them. They’re not dealing with swollen ankles, endless bathroom trips, and an ever-expanding mid-section. I gotta admit, though, that this time? It really has gone fast! I think in part that’s been due to an averted focus. Whereas in the first pregnancy, I really just focused on…well, the pregnancy. This time, I’ve had several other attention-demanding factors.

The first and most obvious would be the miniature man called Joey that lives upstairs. Being focused on getting him through potty training, enjoying new experiences, and just generally, each day, has kept me far less preoccupied with my current pregnancy. The other, and far less pleasant factor would be the various ailments that have seemed to find their way to me during this time of being “with child.” At first, it was really, really, (really!) offensive congestion. Then came a cough that literally lasted about 2-3 months. I also got the occasional ear infection and a bout with a viral “thing,” that claimed our Thanksgiving. Then there was the weird breathless feeling that sort of put a cramp on Christmas. Yup, this had all happened prior to Christmas.

Come the new year, I decided to get an ear tube put in to combat the recurring ear infections. Those are extremely painful. Come to find out, though, ear infections have nothing pain-wise on getting an ear tube put in and the anesthesia and numbing NOT taking. Cue the pinched nerve in my neck that resulted from said ear trauma, and you’ll find me in some of the most excruciating pain I’ve ever known. Also cue a month and a half of physical therapy that wound up being a merciful answer to prayers and an ending to my pain.

Now, I’m once again having ear infection issues (on the non-tubed ear), general sinus yuck, and those late-in-the-pregnancy uncomfortable feelings that only another mom-to-be can understand. I am starting to feel better, but realize I am in the final stretch here, and that some of the discomfort may be here to stay until Mr. Gavin is safe in my arms.

So what’s the conclusion? This pregnancy has been hard, yes. There is no way to get around that fact. Still, I know the moment I see Gavin and we begin to embark on the journey that will be his life, this will all start to fade into the oblivion of days gone by. Is it worth it? You betcha! I’ve got the rest of my life to be comfortable…and with my sweet son along to share the joy. Thank you, Lord, for this privilege.


Permalink Leave a Comment

The Flu Blues

July 8, 2009 at 11:21 pm (Life)

It all began Thursday, June 25. Jason had his eye surgery that day and I went over to SEU to participate in a panel on careers in music. I felt fine all day, and then right around dinner time, started to just feel…odd. By Friday when I woke up, I was feeling a fever and was quite tired. By Saturday, I was having hardcore chills decided I needed to go to the doctor. I went to Watson urgent care and was told I had a sinus infection and given antibiotics. By Sunday, I literally could not get out of bed. It felt odd to me, not like a normal sinus infection, because I had this fever that I just could not shake.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, I literally just stayed in bed, but was NOT getting better. In a breakdown moment on Wednesday, I called my mom and begged her to come help me take care of Joey. Thursday I felt a bit better and began to feel bad for asking my mom to come all the way from NY. By Thursday night the fever was back with a vengeance, however, and Friday morning, we decided that since it had been a week, I needed to go back to urgent care.

While there, I got a horrible fever and chills and was just miserable. They did a flu test, blood work, and a chest x-ray. After a long, uncomfortable wait, they told me I had the flu, pneumonia, and most alarming of all, a really, really low white count. They decided to admit me to the hospital.

I was in the hospital Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights, and received many tests, cultures, x-rays, etc. I was in an isolation room because of my low white count, and when family wanted to come see me, they had to get fitted in their masks, gloves, and gowns. I really started to go a bit stir crazy not leaving that room, and, of course, was desperate not seeing my son for four days! I was in for the 4th of July, so that was a bit of a bummer, but my nurses and doctors were all extremely kind.

I got released on Monday, July 6, and was home that day by about 3:30 pm. It was lovely being home, taking a long shower, and sleeping in clean, comfy sheets. I slept quite a bit and enjoyed my mom’s yummy cooking.

One thing that kept striking me over and over during my hospital stay, though, and sort of unsettling me was a phrase that I heard a  lot from various doctors, nurses, etc. The phrase was “Because of your history…” Just four simple words that I fully understand the implication of, but somehow, I found myself growing quite irritated at hearing so many times. It even went so far as that when I was finally being released, one of my doctors told me that I probably wouldn’t have even been put in the hospital had it not been for my history. I don’t know why, but it sort of angered me. Trust me, I do understand where the medical community is coming from. Though I am now 4 years out from my  experience with cancer (PRAISE GOD!), I do realize that certain things like a low white count can raise some flags. I understand that everyone’s intentions are purely for my good. I even appreciate how relaxed they’ve all been, making sure to go out of their way to tell me that they feel this was only the flu, nothing more.

Still, I find myself coming to some anger that I guess I never quite realized was there, deep down, still resenting the cancer and how it affects my life now. There is something about “Because of your history” that feels oddly…debilitating, I suppose. No one wants to be constantly reminded  of their past. No one wants to feel held back or defined by the things that happened to them four years ago. Again, I’m not ignorant to the idea that this is a unique situation and that those defining things are of scientific importance. Still…

I guess what I wrestled with was just the idea of not allowing my “history” to dictate my responses to life today. I have come a long way with the Lord since that experience four years ago, and we wrestle (sometimes daily) to put these things in their proper place. I just want to humbly say after four days of hearing this phrase, that God’s work has been done in me. I am marked, but it’s not because of my history. I was marked long before that time, when God put His hand on my life and called me forth into His purposes. This is all just part of that. I humbly say today that I am well. God has made me whole, and when He sees me, He sees my future just as much as He sees my history, and His plan for me is good!

Today I went for a follow-up appointment and was humbled to find that my blood counts are all back to normal. I have been advised to take it easy, as this can truly take a long time to recover from, but overall, all is well. I think that I have been given a lot to chew on after this experience. I am thankful, humbled, and challenged. I want to take this experience and somehow allow it to teach me, so that I can grow from it and move forward. As a dear friend of mine said, my experience with cancer does not define me, but it has refined me. I like that. I am refined.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Kara Dioguardi and I: Sisters?

March 30, 2009 at 2:47 am (Entertainement, Life) ()


What do you think? Am I Kara’s long lost sister? People keep telling me I look like her!

Permalink 5 Comments

The Stevie Wonder Experience and Fresh Perspective

July 18, 2008 at 3:44 pm (Life) (, , , )

The trip to Wisconsin and the Stevie Wonder concert were just too excellent.  I was really, really apprehensive about leaving Joey for 3 days, and got super emotional as we were leaving him.  What is it about airports that always make me emotional?  The coming?  The going?  Saying good-bye to friends and family?  Anyway, I wanted to enjoy our first trip alone together since Joey’s arrival, so I decided to enjoy every moment.  

We had so much fun!  Thanks to the help of my trusty GPS navigation system (Georgina is her name), we were able to navigate around Wisconsin in our rental car and find lots of fun things to do.  We had a lovely hotel right near the airport and of course, being us, found several lovely shopping areas.  We had no plans other than the concert on Thursday night, so it was so nice to just be able to roam around a new city at our leisure and find things along the way.  The best of which wound up being a tour of the Jelly Belly factory!  Yummy!  

The concert was just beyond words.  We wound up sitting in the 6th row…yes, that’s right, the 6th row…A-MAZING!  He came out guided by his daughter and proceeded to sing hit after hit after hit after hit for two hours!  It was just unreal!  He is even more mind-blowing in concert than on anything I’ve ever heard of his that’s recorded- WOW!  His daughter Aisha Morris, who is the actual baby you hear on the “Isn’t She Lovely” opening, is now 30 years old and sings back-up for her dad.  She also got to sing a song on her own and was just amazing!  A total throw-back to a Billie Holiday-esque singer.  It was just unreal.  We all danced around like idiots, not caring because Stevie’s music is just too good to listen to from your seat.  


Yeah, we were that close.

Yeah, we were that close.



There’s something about getting away for a few days that just makes the world seem bigger.  When you’re home all the time, life seems to get small somehow.  As if your realm of reality is all there is.  When you get to step outside of that for a little while, you’re able to find a new perspective and somehow, things just seem better.  Your HUGE problems from home don’t seem all that bad, because you realize there is a whole big world out there.  People everywhere you go are dealing with things just like you are.  We are all on a journey, and the only way to get through is to rest in the promise of God’s Word.  This trip made me realize that I needed a re-wiring to some of my thought processes.  I’m so glad I went.  I’m so thankful for my incredible husband who made one of my dreams come true.

Permalink Leave a Comment

Stop defining me…

June 20, 2008 at 4:03 pm (Life) ()

Just because my past included an illness, does not mean my future does.  Just because you see my chart and there’s a big, scarlet “C” on it, don’t think you’ve got me figured out.  Stop looking at me through the eyes of my history, and start seeing me through the eyes of my Creator.  I am whole- mind, body, and soul.  No single event in my life has or will take place that my Father does not oversee.  He holds me in His hand.  He is stronger than you.  I can dream again, and you can’t stop me.

Permalink 2 Comments

Life List

June 16, 2008 at 9:56 pm (Life) (, , )

Okay, so Wednesday was my 26th birthday- and YES, I have officially declared 26 STILL as the mid-20s, with the outline as follows:  20-23 as early 20s, 24-26 is mid-20s, and 27-29 is late 20s.  I am still free to change this next year, however, because as Bobby Brown put it so poetically, “It’s my prerogative!”  Anyway, I don’t have an official life list per se, but if I was forced to sit down and write one, something that would come VERY close to the top would be “See Stevie Wonder LIVE in concert.”  This is a hard thing to accomplish, because Stevie Wonder, being the musical legend that he is, does NOT tour a lot, and was not even scheduled to tour this year at all.  My AMAZING husband, however, was able to discover that Stevie Wonder will be performing the opening night concert of SummerFest on Thursday, June 26 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and we have tickets…AMAZING tickets!!!  

I was so floored when he gave them to me (the night before my birthday because we both can’t stand to keep a good secret!) and shocked, because he tricked me by putting them inside of a purse (a gorgeous new purse, might I add!) posing as the sole birthday gift!  I am beyond excited!  It is truly going to be a once-in-a-lifetime concert, and I am predicting a shed tear or two on that night, just at the sheer realization of a dream-come-true.  Stevie’s music is the soundtrack of my life.  It touches my soul and brings a smile to my face.  I can’t wait!!!  

Permalink 4 Comments